New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
