every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
