Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
