Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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