Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
