He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
