Do you still have your period?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
