There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
