I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
