My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize