Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize