I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
