Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
