I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
