i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
