..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
