I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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