she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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