I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
