I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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