He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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