Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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(815): View more from Illinois

the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?

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(905): View more from Toronto

Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

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(305): View more from Florida

God, you're like boner-b-gone

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(845): View more from New York

You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.

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