i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
