Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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