You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can vaginas get frostbite?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
