his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
