I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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