He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize