Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
