In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize