Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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