there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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