I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
