I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize