I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
