Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
