i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
