i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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