i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
