the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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