your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
