I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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