her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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