thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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