Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
