Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize