i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize