i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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