You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
