Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
