I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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