I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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