There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
