If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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