She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
