cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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