but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize