Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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