Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
