Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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