if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
