the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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