listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
