oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
