party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
