I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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