You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
