I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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