they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
